been thinking heaps about chivalry and different kinds of harassment lately. I used to have a pretty simple analysis of chivalric behaviour: it’s sexist, I’m not made of glass, thanks. I’ve come to realise that people are mostly nice to me, at first at least; also that this is not everyone’s experience.
so it creeps me out because it’s unearned. but also: it creeps me out because I know from experience that it could switch around so fast. if I get told I’m pretty and I ignore whoever said it, there is a good chance they will get nasty.
but when I’m out with my friends who are varying combinations of fat/brown/visibly gender non-conforming…they usually get it so much worse than me. they get straight up aggression and disgust, hard, fast. if it’s more subtle — like a facial expression or muttered slur — I sometimes don’t even notice, which makes me feel crazy and also appalled. I get so angry when the men I’m with don’t notice the harassment I get and now I’m repeating that dynamic, being the one saying “oh…yeah…I guess that was shit”. but very often it’s not subtle at all.
so — chivalry and harassment are two sides of the same coin. chivalry’s not the same as basic courtesy. it’s special treatment because you’re a woman; but also because you’re the right kind of woman. it contains an implicit threat, because it can be taken away. and some people never get it in the first place.
