there's our catastrophe

gamma-ray-capybara:

One thing though, what you say about “the visibility of straight normative white chicks” and so forth, what does this imply regarding the other categories defined by that description? Remember, you’re speaking in a feminist context, where some of the rules are like this : if you’re doing it cause it’s not your choice, you should absolutely stop and it’s a bad thing, whereas if you’re doing it because it’s your choice, you should absolutely continue and it would be suspect to stop. Words like “coercion” are thrown around because no one wants to acknowledge that “you can” and “you should” and “feel free to” and “get out of the Sisterhood if you don’t!” are basically the same sentiment. So, does it imply it’s a positive thing if “less normative” women post their pics while you refrain? Be aware that “non-normative” is a hell of a barbed compliment. Then - and I know you’re untroubled enough by a bunch of stuff that I can say this without offending you - the amount of time you spend saying “oh fuck I’m a white chick who’s normatively-attractive should I post my picture or should I leave space for less normative women to be more visible…” implies that you posting your pic matters a great deal more than it probably does - that it has an effect on others, that it’s maybe even potentially a bit destructive. Which, in one direction or another, is more self-flattering than just posting it, isn’t it?

yeah, totally.  I mean, my main feeling here is “stop overthinking posting pictures of yourself, that’s so grandiose, so anarchy-wank, just do it if you feel like it”, I think we’re actually mostly on the same page re: overthinking it.  but also you’re completely right that there’s a dynamic with which you can ~acknowledge privilege~ in a way that actually glorifies your own power, wallows in it obnoxiously.   it’s particularly difficult to not fall into that when you’re talking about your own appearance. 

so when I talk about “normative” appearances, I want to be as clear as possible that I’m not talking about checking my magnetically sexxxxxxy privilege or whatever — I’m talking about not having strangers look me in the eye and say I’m the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen, not getting a series of anonymous messages about pictures of me online telling me I’m disgusting and should kill myself.   these are real examples of things that have happened to my big butch brown bearded BFF and don’t happen to me, even though she is actually magnetically sexxxxxxy, very charismatic, never short of a date, etc.  we get treated very, very differently.  whether I want to talk about it or not, it’s a thing, these different levels of harassment, this racist/homophobic/etc hyper-visibility some are subject to, and I think you really do have to talk about that when you’re talking about anything to do with being visible as a woman — while of course not blaming women who look a certain way for ruining it for the rest of us, that’s clearly misogynist.  that’s not even going into the issue of lack of visibility.  all of this is obviously systemic more than individual. I certainly don’t think I have the power to change it or not change it by posting or not posting pictures of myself.  but it does often affect how I personally feel about doing either. 

(via elasti-capybara-deactivated2013)