this is a post about abuse and the community dynamics that enable it
I am feeling particularly depressed at the moment by how many people in communities with supposedly radical and feminist values experience little to no fallout from abusing and assaulting people. This has come up four or five completely separate times in the last month or two. I am feeling particularly depressed by my own complicity in these situations, my decisions not to pursue the reasons why former friends no longer speak, not to ask people to expand on what they mean by describing someone as “a creep” or “a scumbag”, not to work at committing particular names and faces to memory. I’m a smart person but the main way I’m smart is not my memory or my concentration or my breadth of knowledge or the sophistication of my conceptual frameworks but that thing Lorena calls being quick or sharp, being good at connecting the dots, making correct inferences without prompting. I should be on this and I’ve deluded myself that I am when I’m not. But I think I could be if I wasn’t afraid to think about it.