I can’t personally get into “feminist oversharing” because incitement to discourse.
in all seriousness, when I think about “oversharing” between women I think about being in my early teens and making up appropriate crushes so I would have something to talk about. because otherwise I would be shut out, because we had to trade vulnerabilities, but what actually scared me — the fact that I didn’t understand and couldn’t conclusively label my sexuality — was both too much of a secret to share and paradoxically might not even be understood as me showing vulnerability. and I think about how “appropriate” meant so much more than even just a dude, it meant masculine, it meant not significantly shorter than me, it meant exclusively heterosexual, and actually, it meant white. it was understood that that was the acceptable range of dudes I could have a crush on. and I think about how that shaped my understanding of my sexuality for many years and it took me a long time to realise that I had other options that were better. like, “sharing” does not just uncover what is there, sometimes it constructs things, and sometimes those things are not great.
it wasn’t a “mean girls” situation or anything, girls weren’t out to manipulate or hurt each other, and everyone was dealing with this stuff, a number of us turned out years later to have radically different sexualities than we really talked about then. and there were also a lot of times that I was able to talk through shit that was really helpful to me, that I never would’ve been able to discuss if there was a clear boundary of Appropriateness — I’m so thankful that I grew up in an environment when it wasn’t really necessary to constantly be on my guard about who knew about my mental health issues, for example. but when girls talk about only wanting to hang out with the guys I think this is mostly what they are talking about, freedom from the injunction to overshare, freedom from disclosure.
I also have mixed feelings about venting and confessional writing and it all comes down to the same thing: emotional sharing needs to be understood as not just freedom but sometimes an expectation or demand or constitutive force.