there's our catastrophe

The Unisexer

seinfelt:

Jerry notices that his Superman statuette seems to move to different places in his apartment whenever he looks away. Even stranger, its expression seems to be growing angrier. Elaine dates a man who wears only unisex “one size fits all” clothing, and insists she do the same. Though initially reluctant, she finds her new attire so comfortable that she convinces Peterman to devote an entire catalog to the style. After years of work, Kramer finally invents a functioning teleporter. He zaps himself across town and takes the bus back home, where he finds his own charred corpse crumpled up on the floor of the machine. George gets promoted to an upper management position. Among the many new perks that come with the role is access to the executive bathroom, a luxurious lavatory rumored to be “rivaled only by the toilets of royalty.” On his first visit, he spends nearly two hours inside, taking advantage of the full-time masseuse and the gold-plated hot tub. It isn’t until he tries to leave that he realizes he hasn’t seen any of his coworkers the entire time. He asks the attendant, but discovers to his horror that the man is a mannequin. Where the masseuse had been, only moments before, is now a drawing of a stick figure with the caption “masseuse”, and the hot tub has been replaced with a gold-painted plastic pet dish. Panicked, he rushes to leave, but where the door should be is a Polaroid photograph of an old wrought-iron gate taped to the wall. Upon closer inspection, he notices that the gate bears a large wooden sign reading “COSTANZA”.